Frank Off The Radio: The Frank Skinner Podcast

00:01 It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio. It's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know? 00:10 Today's going to be the day, going to throw it back to you. 00:15 Is that the words? Yes. Just say anything you like to make any difference. Bye now. Is that because it's got throw it back to you? People think that would be a good football song. 00:24 Oh, I feel... And today you're going to save me. That's like the ball talking to Jordan Pickford. 00:29 Yeah. 00:30 A literal interpretation. 00:33 Anyway, this is Frank off the radio. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Ruth Hosko. Follow the podcast on X and Instagram. You can email the podcast via frankofftheradioathalonuk.com and WhatsApp. 00:46 Oh, seven, four, five, seven, four, one, seven, seven, six, nine. 00:50 Leave a voice, no trouble line. It's Frank off the radio, gold every time. Life's so strong, they should be a crime. They're hooves. 01:03 Sweet. 01:05 I don't like sweet. 01:06 No? 01:07 It's like some weird builder I once had. 01:09 I like the early stuff. 01:11 It's like the builder who told me he was going to get rid of my ivory. 01:14 I thought you were, oh yeah. Do you remember him? He called Ivy Ivory. It is a sweet song, I think. It's got a sort of a, I can't remember his name, a case, anyway. 01:26 What's been going on with you, Skinner? I talk to the trees, but they don't listen to me. Do you know who sang that in a musical? 01:40 Was it Tommy Steele? 01:41 It was Clint Eastwood. Are you joking? I am not joking. It's one of those rare moments when I'm not joking. 01:48 Can Eastwood sing? I didn't know he could carry it to you. 01:50 Not especially, but in the same film, Paint Your Wagon, Lee Marvin sang... 01:58 Oh, I've heard of that. Yeah, that's what Harry Kane should have said in his sore throat interview. So, no, I'll give you a clue. I arrived at a theatre, a well-known London theatre. Yes. I went to my seat in row C. 02:20 Lovely. I would say that's a good rose. 02:23 Lovely. 02:24 You still got it, Frank, on the celebrity booking front. 02:27 And on the stage, someone had left the tambourine. 02:33 Just lying there. 02:35 What, before this started? Yeah. 02:36 And I thought, well, maybe that's to suggest the sort of post-coital extravaganza thing. There was a party last night on stage, you know, in the world of... Oh, yeah. And then I realised, this is the clue, it wasn't a tambourine, it was a crown of thorns. 02:56 Got it, yeah? 02:57 Ah, yes. Yes. So it was Jesus Christ Superstar. Oh. 03:01 Which shocked me. I've never seen it before. Have you not? No. 03:05 Okay. 03:06 The actual... 03:12 It's about like 30 seconds in the whole show. 03:15 Yeah. 03:17 It says, Jesus Christ, superstar. 03:19 Who are you? 03:19 The first time I said, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, and then it says, and then it says, Jesus Christ, superstar, and it's done. 03:25 Who are you? What do you think you are? Yeah. 03:28 That's where they got the idea, apparently, for who do you think you are? Then he refused to do it. 03:33 He's got a bit big now. They said if he did, he'd have to be a two-parter. 03:38 He had to ask his dad. 03:40 So, I believe Dee Baddiel was there. Did you see him? 03:44 Yeah, I didn't know he was there. I saw him post about it this morning. He came over to us. And I also, there are still things I don't know about David Baddiel, despite the shortness of his dressing gown. 03:58 It's his favourite musical. Is it really? I think he said that was the fifth or sixth time he's seen it on stage. 04:05 Wow. 04:06 Yeah. 04:07 So, yeah. 04:10 And you haven't seen it? 04:12 No, this was my first time. I'll be straight from the off. I sort of like my musicals to be two people talking in a cafe and the guy to say something like, you know, you're really special, you mean a lot to me. And she says, do I really? And he goes... 04:31 All my life I've waited for. I get it. I like that. 04:35 You like, I'm going to say. Sparkling book. I'm going to say guys and dolls you would like for that reason. 04:40 Yeah, I like sparkling dialogue. Yes. And then the song. Whereas Andrew Lloyd Webber is song, song, song, song. 04:48 It's not operetta sort of thing. 04:49 It is like an opera. But even that has a rest of the teeth. 04:52 But there's not even a recipe. 04:55 My slight problem sometimes with operetta is when mundane things have to be set to music. So, take him away. Yeah. And I think, really, was that worth writing music? 05:07 Well, there's a bit in Phantom where it goes, it's the Phantom of the Opera. And you think, yeah, it's gone now. 05:15 We could have caught him if he had said it. 05:19 Anyway, it was... 05:23 I enjoyed it. And this was Sam Ryder? Sam Ryder was Jesus. 05:29 Was he good enough for your Jesus? Because you're a big Jesus fan. 05:33 In fact, I'm a Jesus fan. Something I hadn't anticipated was when Jesus gets killed, I cried. And I knew it was coming. But I was really upset about it. And they don't exactly play up the resurrection, if you know what I mean. Oh, do they not? They sort of think, oh, yeah, that's the main bit. 05:54 So I did, I was really upset that Jesus had died and then I had to get up and do a standing ovation. 06:01 A special BG for Judas. I was thinking, fuck off, Judas. Right? 06:09 Oh, yeah, do you not get a bit of boo? 06:10 No, none of that. 06:11 Get off. I mean, it's ridiculous. 06:15 You know, people boo Baron Hard up when he comes on. 06:23 But no, massive cheers. I mean, that's why the world's changed, I suppose. 06:28 It's not the way the world's changed. I mean, it's a musical. Someone is playing Judas Iscariot. 06:32 No one knows. 06:33 It's not the actor's fault. 06:34 They don't care about it. And Jesus is, I mean, at the end of it, I'm not giving anything away. He's got tattoos, Sam, as well, hasn't he? Oh, God, he's got a lot of tattoos. But I think they sold it as bruising. 06:45 Oh, did they? 06:46 Post-skurgeon at the pillar. 06:48 What the fuck? You see, what I like, Hank knows all the technical terms. Yeah, yeah. 06:53 The biblical terms. He looked like he might have been sleeping on magazines. 06:59 That's the thing about Jesus. He loved a magazine. He slept on his take of breaks. He did sleep rough. He slept his take of breaks. 07:06 He said that, you know, the fox has got its toll and what have I got? Nothing. So, you know, that worked. But at the end of it, he's literally covered in open wounds, blood. He's covered in blood. It's a shame. And he's laughing his head off at the curtain call. And I thought, no, I don't. I don't want this. I mean, I had enough of it in the S&M clubs in the 80s. 07:31 But remember I told you someone, when I saw Sadie Sink play Juliet, when she was still emotional, still crying in the curtain call, I heard a woman say, well, she could have smiled for the bloody curtain call. Really. But he was brilliant. He did a song. I don't know the musical. I don't know if you guys know it. 07:49 Did you meet my parents? I think I do. Is it Gethsemane? 07:55 Yes. See, I told you I know it well. It's in the Garden of Gethsemane. It's when he says, look, I'd rather not get crucified if you don't mind. 08:04 That is what he says. It's Jesus' big number. 08:07 So he prays and he says, look, I know I agreed to this, but if there's a loophole, I'll do it. Don't get me wrong, I'll do it, but I don't want to do it. 08:17 Fucking hell. I mean... Was it good? Sam Rider doing that was... I've seen many, many musicals. 08:25 And that is... Just that song is one of the greatest musical songs I've seen in life. It was absolutely astonishing. 08:36 Yes. 08:37 I'm thinking of another one now, and it was that Sundance thing where the gay man doesn't want to get married. It's a very different song. 08:44 It's one of the harder songs as well. 08:46 But anyway, that, oh man, that was unbelievable. It's one of these things when people give a standing ovation in the middle of the production, they don't wait till the end. 08:56 He's got the pipe, Sam, hasn't he? 08:58 No, but you really felt he really didn't want to be crucified. 09:03 The thing I would say about that musical I noticed, I think my parents used to tell me this, is that Jesus, it doesn't really take off, as I remember, until the second half. 09:15 There is part of you wondering, I don't know where he's getting the crowds. 09:18 LAUGHTER 09:21 It's one of the flaws of the musical, I think, is that his big moments all come in the second half. Is that fair enough? That is true. 09:27 Well, I saw Anja Magliano. 09:30 Oh, did you? 09:31 She texted me and said, I'm in the balcony with the minor celebrities, but I can see you from where we are. I'd love to know who she was with. But I said, she said, I thought there'd be a lot more about the life of Jesus, but it's quite, she said, it's all really the big weekend, isn't it? 09:48 Jesus' big weekend. 09:51 But it was nice and Buzz was very excited to see it. Did Buzz enjoy it? 09:54 Does Buzz like Sam? He likes Sam, doesn't he? 09:56 Buzz loves Sam. 09:57 Oh, good. 09:58 He absolutely loves. I mean, I think we both think Sam forget about musical theatre and that and join, you know, Maiden or something like that. I really want to see him as the head of a major rock band. 10:10 You know, I love it when the redheads bond as well. 10:13 I think of Sam as blonde. 10:16 I think of him as redhead. 10:19 Anyway, there was supposed to be a primitive, unenlightened people who didn't appreciate that the Messiah was with them. But they weren't that primitive, unenlightened, because when King Herod comes out, he's as camp as Christmas. 10:32 LAUGHTER 10:33 And this is before Christmas really caught on, to be fair. He couldn't have played it much more gay than he played it. 10:42 Yes. 10:43 Now, I don't know that actor, but he's a thing... 10:46 He's called Jesse Tyler and he's in Modern Family. Yes, I've never seen... He plays one of the gay parents in Modern Family and he's absolutely brilliant. 10:52 I've never seen Modern Family, but... 10:55 And weirdly, one of Kat Dealey's best friends. Is that right? Yes. I think when she was in LA, he did So You Think You Can Dance. He's very musical theatre. Was he good as Herod? He was, yeah. And they're going to be rotating that part, Frank. 11:08 Yes, because Boy George was in the bar. 11:11 He's got there early. He's not needed for three months. 11:13 No, you've obviously come to see, to have a look how other people was doing him. 11:17 Because Leighton Williams, who you know from Strictly, who's fabulous. 11:21 Oh, yeah, he's doing it. 11:22 And then Rob Brydon. Rob Brydon's doing it. I believe so. That's what I've heard. Playing Jesus. No, Rob Brydon's not playing Jesus. 11:30 Can you imagine? Oh, King Herod. 11:31 Jesus died when he was 33. 11:35 I know he came back, but he didn't stay another 30 years. 11:39 Sometimes you've got a suspension easily. 11:42 Oh, exactly. Why have you forsaken me? I don't understand it. 11:49 Hold on, I can hear a little man in a box. 11:51 What happened? 11:53 Oh, Father. 11:55 Oh, Father, why? Why am I, Father? 11:58 Why are you forsaken me? 12:01 Rob Brydon, as G... 12:03 Although he's quite hench, so he could get away with it, I think. But he doesn't have... What does hench mean? Hunch. Musculine. Yeah, he's worked out. 12:11 Oh, I thought you meant honched. 12:12 No, he's worked out and things. 12:14 He's holding out for Notre Dame, the musical. LAUGHTER See, I could see him as Cosimo. 12:25 Oh, Frank, that's so rude. You can't say that. 12:28 He's a lovely bloke. With eye shadow, but other than that. 12:32 Oh, my God. 12:34 Please. 12:35 The bells. 12:37 The bells. 12:39 Oh, Esmerelli. 12:44 Those DVD extras were out of this world. 12:50 So, yeah. But when they crucified him, they didn't use nails. 12:56 What did they use? 12:58 Do you ever remember on bicycles, if you were carrying a package of some kind, there were those stretchy things with hooks on the end? 13:05 Yes. I do remember those. 13:07 Well, that's what they secured him with, as far as I could see. Oh, that's a bit of a cheat. Yeah. Because I think you'd sag, wouldn't you? You'd sag in the elasticity. Well, I would. Ruth would be okay. Yeah. 13:17 Can I give you some more people who are playing it? Yes. It's Julian Clary. 13:22 Yes. There's a theme. 13:23 They're obviously deviating from the camp theme. 13:26 Yeah, exactly. 13:27 And then also Frank Reeshear Smith. 13:30 Oh, God, they've really gone through the... Yeah, I believe Omidulili. Everybody's playing except me. They knew I wouldn't do Herod. 13:40 David Baddiel. 13:42 David Baddiel is now... No, he is. 13:45 Too Jewish, they said for Herod. 13:53 Is Herod meant to be gay? 13:56 No, it's not going to work, Frank. 13:58 Is Herod what, darling? Is he meant to be gay? 14:00 No. 14:01 No. Okay. 14:02 I don't think so. 14:03 Why is he being played so camp then? 14:05 Because that was the tradition in that musical. 14:07 Have you ever seen the film? No, I haven't. Right, okay. The guy in it did it. 14:12 When I saw it on Sky, Alice Cooper was... 14:15 It's traditionally always been a sort of non-singer who's fabulously camp. It's this very camp surreal bit in the movie and in the musical. It's always played by a sort of Julian Clary. 14:27 But I had a terrible faux pas on the way back because I'd been talking to Alan Davis and his daughter. Me and Boz were talking to them. 14:34 Alan Davis, obviously the comedian. And we got the tube back together and then... 14:43 Me and Dave, I thought we'd maybe share a cab home as we live in the same road. But then he didn't reply to my text, so I got the tube. And then he texted me and said, I'm on the tube. And I thought, this is even more confusing. 14:56 He said, I've parked. You know when people park at the tube station? 15:00 That's very David. Yeah, so he did that. So he said, do you want a lift from Chalk Farm? And I said, yeah. And then I thought, he went with two people, so I thought they'll be in the car. So I won't say to Alan Davis, or you can probably get a lift home from Dave. And then when we got there, it was just Dave in the car, and I felt like I'd... 15:18 That's all right. You weren't to know. 15:19 I know, but I felt guiltier than the fucking people who crucified Jesus did in the play. 15:28 That's what I live with in my life. 15:31 This is what happens if you're Catholic. 15:32 I know. 15:33 Well, I'm Catholic, yeah. Oh, she's Catholic as well. You're Catholic. Yeah. Oh, frankly. On my dad's side of the family, Catholic. That's why I felt so guilty. 15:39 Ruth, were you always Catholic, be honest, or was this about four weeks ago? I've always been Catholic. 15:44 Yeah. Oh, God. 15:46 I've been told I've been Catholic. Got to transition. 15:51 Yes, it'd be. I remember Ron Atkinson, when he was up for the Manchester United job, they said, you know, there's only ever been Catholic managers at Man United. He said, I'm happy to convert. 16:04 Fair enough. 16:06 So would you recommend, because I might go and see it? 16:09 Yes, I'd recommend it. It's very spectacular. There's a lot of people in it and there's audience on stage. 16:15 Honey Guardian Review, there's a lot of people in it. I've never heard of it. What about Les Miserables? A lot of people in it. 16:21 No, but I like a coded stage. Do you know what I mean? 16:24 That's not why I'd go and see a musical. 16:27 Oh, yeah, I like it. 16:28 Do you like Les Miserables then? 16:30 No, not much. That's more crowded than you get. For me, theft is theft. 16:37 But anyway... 16:39 The Catholic Review of Les Miserables. 16:45 Oh, dear. 16:47 The Pope. I don't like that musical. I don't approve of it. 16:50 But anyway... 16:54 You would recommend. 16:54 Okay. Yes, I would. I enjoyed it. I was very, very upset by the ending, which I didn't expect because I didn't think it'd be like real. You didn't expect? Well, I just, I thought it would be lighter. I know. And I thought they might have the resurrection at the end, which is, you know. 17:11 Do you know, it is very visceral. I can remember my parents would take us to incredibly inappropriate things when we were about four and things. But I remember that stayed with me for years, how visceral that crucifixion scene is. It's very bleak and sad. You know, it's not nice. They weren't nice to him, Frank. 17:27 They weren't nice to him. 17:28 Yeah, I'm so sorry that happened. 17:30 But they knew not what they did. 17:31 Yeah. 17:32 Apparently. 17:33 All right, Yoda. LAUGHTER 17:37 He was in it. No, he wasn't. 17:39 Rob Brydon. Yeah, Rob Brydon's understanding. 17:42 Rob Brydon is. Dot, dot, dot, Yoda. 17:45 I'll ask himself. 17:48 So, beware of the fuss. 17:52 He gets everywhere, Brydon. 17:56 Boy, you hear that small voice a little bit. Yeah, all right, Yoda. 18:01 Yoda, stop it. 18:02 Risha Smith as well. 18:04 You keep saying Rhyshearsmith. 18:06 Yeah, why do I keep saying Rhyshearsmith? 18:07 I don't know. Isn't that the new... 18:11 I think you could get a Rhyshearsmith from the bloke who did the Dyson hair thing. The new Dyson Rhyshearsmith. 18:20 Just... Oh, man. 18:22 Works with sheep as well. 18:24 What were his relatives then? 18:25 Would they have been sheep shears? 18:26 A shearsmith would have made shears, presumably. 18:29 Oh, would they? It's like shearing sheep. 18:32 Yeah, but if he was a smith, he would have made the actual shears. 18:36 Oh, yeah. 18:36 Okay. Like arrows, as you know, were made by aerosmith. 18:42 Oh, my God. Thanks. 18:54 Anyway, shall we get to the outside world? 18:57 Honestly. Okay, let's get to the outside world. We've had this in from Nicky of Brighton. Hi, Frank, Emily and Ruth. 19:07 Nicky female or Nicky... 19:10 Not sure at this point. 19:11 I know they are. Male and female are essentially bourgeois constructs. 19:16 Lovely. You've come on a lot. I like this. 19:18 Well, you know, I try to keep up. 19:19 You know what? You do the work and you're an ally. It's spelled N-I-K-K-I. 19:25 That'd be a female. 19:26 I feel maybe, yeah. First time texter, I was listening to some previous shows from 2018 where you mentioned that you had a monthly subscription, Frank, of the very popular Anglo-Saxon magazine Bindweed. What? 19:40 Yes. 19:40 And you were member number 89. This led me to wondering whether you are still receiving these magazines and whether you did actually attend any conventions with the other 88. 19:51 I actually didn't. 19:56 We had Vine. We cleared. We got many. 20:00 Because it was the taco tasty in the water. The bindweed. Yeah. 20:04 It's like the knotweed. You know there are Japanese knotweed sniffer dogs now? My friend had one recently. Are there really? She said we had to get in. We were trying to sell the house and we had to get in a Japanese knotweed sniffer dog, which will come into properties just to check if there's Japanese knotweed. Because it's a big thing this apparently, isn't it? You must know. 20:21 That means that they have to go and wear dogs of knotweeds. 20:25 so they can smell the actual foliage. 20:27 Rob Brydon is the odour. 20:30 Isn't that the thing? Doesn't it drive people insane? Japanese knotweed? 20:34 Frank, you've heard of it, haven't you? 20:35 It doesn't drive people insane. 20:37 No, but it makes a property unsellable. 20:40 It takes over your entire everything. 20:43 It's like some relationships. 20:46 Once it starts, it gets its clutches in. 20:48 That's true. There's a couple of women I've had to get sniffer dogs in for. 20:56 Well, I found all my belongings in the end. 20:59 You had to call in the police display team. 21:02 What about that woman who said to me, I could make you love me for the rest of my life because I've got your fingernails. She said, I took your fingernails. 21:10 What the hell? Do you not know this? She took his fingernails. What do you mean? 21:13 She snipped them off. She found my fingernails. They were in her arse cheeks. No, absolutely not. 21:20 I am absolutely not okay with that. Okay? Okay. Okay? I absolutely hate that. 21:26 She found them in an ashtray. 21:27 Okay, that's what's going out. 21:32 Not going out, you've got to call that bit. 21:35 Lee Mack, he's playing... He's playing Jesus now, I don't know. 21:39 Yeah, I think he's Simon of Stylites. 21:43 who's the bloke who sits on top of a long high pole. 21:46 Oh, yeah. So go on. So the fingernails, tell Ruth what happens. She needs to know. 21:52 So, yeah, she said, I can use them in a spell and you'll love me for the rest of our lives. 21:58 Oh, I thought she was keeping them like, I can clone you, if anything happens. 22:03 I wouldn't mind. 22:04 Oh, like Barbara Streisand and her dogs. Maybe she did mean that. 22:07 Maybe my clone is still banging away somewhere in the West Midlands. Good luck to him, I say. 22:14 Quite right. 22:15 I don't have no hard feelings. That's why I'm not doing it. 22:19 Okay, so I can do a spell with them. Yeah. What did you say? 22:25 Go on, do a spell. 22:25 Did you ever call her again after that? 22:27 No. Oh, yeah, I think so. You know what it's like. 22:30 She said she was going to do witchcraft on you. 22:33 I know, but she wasn't. Do they not? She was attractive. 22:36 If they're attractive. Really? They can do anything, yeah. It's so shallow, isn't it? 22:42 It is. It's awful. I'm not like it now. 22:45 You could not be further from that, which is why sometimes I'm surprised because you're so different now. But this is what we do when we're young. Get it out of your system. 22:54 Yeah, exactly. Okay? I got as much out of my system as I could. 22:57 This is when it gets awful when you say things like that. 23:00 It became arid. I got so much out of my system. 23:05 Anyway, what else have we heard from the outside world? Or did Nicky have more to add to her bindweed inquiry? No, what do you want? I say inquiry. 23:15 What do you want from her? Crime and punishment? 23:18 She's just given you... Well, there was a time. 23:22 I've got an eight-sided worldie. Okay. 23:26 You've written it in yourself. No, well, my friend messaged me. 23:30 Lovely. 23:31 Showering off. Yeah. 23:35 She's got friends, Frank. We used to have those, do you remember? When we were young. 23:38 So she had seen one of the clips which you hate on Instagram and said, I can't believe my oldest girlfriend, I can't believe you're on the Frank Skinner pod. Can you pass this on to him? Can you please tell Frank I'm sorry? I pinched his bum at the Eminem anger management tour at the Milton Keynes Bowl in 2002. 24:01 He turned around immediately and did an ooh matron face. Please pass this on as I've regretted it ever since. 24:09 It's all right when they do it, isn't it? 24:10 It's all right when they do. And also the idea that, and what's really weird is when I pinched his bum, he turned around immediately. 24:20 Yes, but you... What else are you going to say? As anyone, I wasn't like a 70s female office worker where it was an everyday occurrence I had to learn to put up with. 24:31 Yeah, it's not like that was a Tuesday then for us. No. But this is... So, you don't remember this incident. It must have happened to you numerous times because you were rear of the year. 24:40 Eminem at Milton Keynes Bar went very wrong. Did it? Indeed. 24:44 Oh, well, what happened? 24:46 I just... 24:48 I got... It's the most mobbed, like a Beatles-type mob. I remember Kath was just physically shoved out the way. Do you know what? 24:57 They did a Cynthia Lennon on her. 24:58 I couldn't even see her. It was horrible. We still occasionally mention that. It was really too much and quite scary. So I don't know if she was part of that hobob. 25:11 The groping. 25:13 The baying mob. 25:15 Walter Gropius, he was there. 25:19 Well, I'm sorry to bring up a triggering memory. 25:21 No, no. I mean, if you remember, we went to Millie Bobby Brown. What was the name of that restaurant? There was something like Millie Bobby. 25:30 Bob Ricard. 25:31 Yeah, Bob Bob Ricard. 25:32 Well, you had to press for champagne. 25:33 And a woman pinched my bomb there. 25:37 Yes, I do remember that. I was a bit horrified, if I'm honest. 25:41 Well, I was. It wasn't as clean as I'd like it to have been. And I thought, yeah, eat your bread. That's your fault. It's your own fault. 25:51 Do you know what I think it is with you? I think people are still the rear of the year. It never leaves. Just in case anyone doesn't realise, Frank won rear of the year alongside Carol Smiley, joint winners, I believe. Camel Smiley. That was a different award. 26:09 What sort of year are we talking about? 98, I think. 98 sounds right to me. In the picture, he did something great, which was he pulled down his trousers... Wait, it was asked for. And he had sort of long johns. And do you know, they were so flattering on the rear. 26:27 Well, they wanted me to wear the ones with Pretty Polly on, who were the sponsors. Do you remember Pretty Polly hosiery? 26:34 Yes, I do. 26:35 But I said, no, I'm already gone fairly low, is that I've won rear of the year and I'm pulling my trousers down to show you. To have Pretty Polly on my buttock would be too much. 26:47 Did you get paid for Rear of the Year, Frank? 26:50 No, only in indignity. 26:54 Indignity. Previous year it was won by Chris, obviously. 26:59 Who was that? 26:59 Chris Rear. 27:00 Oh, yeah. Here we go. Funny Chris Rear. 27:02 Frank Skinner, Rear of the Year in his white long johns. I've never seen that yet. 27:07 I don't know. I was young enough then to risk showing the back of white long johns. Or what if I'd had dysentery? 27:19 They'd have done it in post. They cleared it off in post. 27:22 No, they photoshopped it out. 27:23 It's just absolutely gross. What else have we heard? 27:27 Okay, we've heard... Do you remember... And I think we need to share this. Do you remember Eddie from Coulston? 27:33 Yes. 27:34 Right, I thought you might, because Eddie has said, Hi, Frank, Emily and Ruth. I heard you mention Frank's sterling attempts to get Coulston into common usage. We back-reft it recently on this, and you were wondering how long ago the campaign started. Well, obviously, Eddie from Coulston is in a great position to be able to confirm this. 27:56 Yes. 27:57 A quick look in my sent box, because Eddie sent us the original... missive which prompted Colston, Fang's attempt to get Colston trending, unearthed the email that started it all. 28:07 I thought his scent box was what he called the thing where he kept his po-pourri. 28:14 I'm quite relieved where that went. It was sent on September the 12th, 2020. So it's been just under six years since Colston. Seeing as you've already managed to get on to a jingle, I think it's only a matter of time before national usage is coming. Keep up the fine work, Frank. We're all rooting for you. 28:35 Yeah, well, that's lovely. 28:37 Six years you've been trying to make Coulston happen. 28:41 Well, I was inspired by, in Pulp Fiction, if you remember Samuel L. Jackson uses Cool and the Gang as a cool thing. He does. Which to me is a much more cumbersome phrase than Coulston. 28:53 No, but Cool and the Gang is a bit cooler than Coulston, Frank. 28:56 Do you know Coulston? 28:57 No. 28:58 Thanks for listening. 28:59 Do you know? Have you been there? 29:00 I have been there. Do you know why? I used to drive through it a lot, as you will know, to Brighton. 29:05 Yeah. 29:06 You drive through that part of town. 29:08 Well, I used to drive through Cool and the Gang quite a lot. 29:10 You did? 29:12 They used to pick it at a recording studio in Smedic. 29:17 I like that he thinks trying to make Coolston happen is comparable to Samuel L Jackson, one of the coolest men in the world, in one of the coolest films, talking about Cool and the Gang. Yeah. 29:28 Yeah. 29:28 Colston, Frank. 29:30 Well, I wanted to anglicise it a bit. Because I like to think that the best of English cool is not that cool, if you know what I mean. 29:38 Yes, that's true. What about this? Can you explain this to me? Neil Sturchley in Birmingham... 29:46 Neil Sturchley, did you say? 29:47 Yeah. He's given his full name. 29:49 Has he taken the name of an area of Birmingham? No, I've got it wrong. 29:54 I think I've got it wrong. 29:55 David Essex. 29:56 Listen, I don't understand Birmingham. Em's not going to know. I don't know this. Okay. So I think you're right. He said Neil, and then there should be Sturchley comma Birmingham. Is it an area of Birmingham? It is. 30:07 I think I used to go bowling in Sturchley. Does that ring any bells to you? 30:13 No. 30:13 Sturchley Bowl. 30:16 No, I can only think of the Aycock's Green Bowl. 30:18 Keep it clean. 30:19 Oh, I don't know any of these places. I'm so left out. I don't even know Aycock's Green. They're all horrible. 30:26 I don't know anywhere. I don't know anywhere in Birmingham. I do, actually. I went to a lovely street. I can't remember what it was called, but it was ever so nice. 30:33 It wasn't where they filmed Benefit Street. No. 30:35 No. Oh, God. No, that's near where Frank grew up, I think. I can't remember. No, it's not. Benefit Street. 30:41 I'm trying to think where that was. 30:43 But where did you go? Anyway, Frank took me to a lovely place. 30:45 Was it our one? It was the main street. 30:51 To see the star? Yeah. Well, it was near... What's that main street? 30:55 Broad Street. Yeah, Broad Street. You were by that restaurant, right? We went to Flair's Nightclub. 31:00 Yes. 31:01 And it was charming. We went to Flair's Nightclub where the ceremony was held. 31:06 Yeah. 31:06 And then we went to a lovely... No, I genuinely loved it there. I do want to go back. I love that. 31:10 Is it called Akbar's? There's a restaurant there. 31:13 I don't know. Frank knows all the places. I hear the cracking of thin ice. 31:20 Do you want to hear about Neil, Sturchley, Birmingham? Yes. I just wanted to add to the ongoing list of names of tribute bands. Now, I thought I'd seen this advertised somewhere, however, cannot find any trace of it, and I'm starting to think I made it up. 31:37 I am convinced that I once saw a Take That tribute band based in the West Midlands called Av This. 31:45 What does Frank think of this for a name? 31:48 Well, the phrase Av This used to be classified as foreplay when I lived in the West Midlands. 31:55 So I hope that wasn't a deliberate reference. 32:03 But honestly, if there isn't a tribute band called Av This, there should be. Take that Av This. But I think it requires some intelligence because it's a second thought. It's not a first thought, is it? 32:15 And if you were intelligent, of course, you wouldn't want to be in a take that tribute band. So it's a bit of a catch-22. 32:22 Oh, I don't like the idea of that being foreplay. I really don't. 32:30 And this. 32:30 Oh, God. The voice makes it much worse. I know. 32:35 I always thought that. 32:39 What do you think? Be honest. 32:42 David Beckham, be honest. If I'd have met you, let's say in 1982, would we have got on? Because I think if you get on with people, you get on full stop. Do you know what I mean? 32:54 Well, in that case, we would have got on. 32:56 Oh, good. I love that. 32:57 I would have been frightened to death of you, I think. Why? I'm a bit frightened now, but I'd be a lot more frightened then. 33:03 Why would you be frightened? 33:04 Because, you know, you'd have been too exotic for me. 33:10 Oh, that's some Goddard parrot. 33:12 Yeah. 33:14 Exactly. 33:15 Goddard parakeet. Pretty funny as I like to call it. My sponsor. I think we would have got on. 33:23 Well, in 1982... No, not about years. You were born in 82. I'm talking about if I'd have known you. No, I was born in 82. But I would have been a glint in the milkman's eye. 33:34 Okay. 33:36 But I still think we'd have got on. Okay. 33:39 Yeah. 33:40 I was a very funny baby. 33:44 And also, I think people are more flexible when they're in liquid form. 33:49 I find them to be so. In fact, I infinitely prefer them that way. 33:54 Yes, yes. 33:56 Serum. When you were just serum. 34:02 Oh, man. Shall we go one more outside-y world? 34:05 Do you want to go more? 34:06 A four-year-go. A four-year-go. 34:09 Johnny. Oh, poor Johnny and his britches. We gave him a really hard time last week. And you know what? There could be something wrong with him as well. We don't know why his legs are parted like that. He could actually have a disease. 34:20 That would be terrible if he has to walk like that. 34:22 He could have a disease. 34:24 Yeah, if you can't help it. 34:25 Yeah. Have you got an outside world, Em? Ruth, I'm going to leave it in your hands. Oh, it's so mean. 34:32 Okay, so, dear Frank et al, I have just listened to your 3rd July episode while washing the car and you were talking about the Pope. Do you know that you can buy the socks that the Pope wears? They're available from Gamma Relly, who have been the tailor of Popes in Rome since 1798. I'm not a follower of the Nazarene myself, but can't let the opportunity of a PayPal... PayPal? 34:55 Not PayPal. 34:56 PayPal. You have to go PayPal. For Paul, talking point, strapped to my legs, go begging. 35:05 Praise redacted as normal, Daniel Knight of Somerset. 35:08 Knight Rider. That company, yeah, I've heard that before, that they do all the Pope's stuff. Because Benedict famously used to have... 35:19 The red shoes? Red Gucci's, was it? 35:22 Prada. 35:22 Red Prada. Oh. Like moccasins he had. 35:26 Prada made them customised for him. 35:28 It's hard because he was... Get her. He was probably the strictest. Sorry, Frank. That's very disrespectful. I'm so sorry. I do apologise. I'm fine with that. Okay. He was the strictest of the popes, really. Was he? I mean, in recent times. 35:41 He was my favourite. 35:43 Just because of the shoes. You wouldn't think the strictest one would go for red Prada's, would you? You'd think he'd be barefoot. 35:49 Who's the current Pope? He's quite a kind Pope, isn't he? 35:52 We don't know. Yeah, it's a bit new for Leo. We're still saucing him out. One of his first encyclicals. 36:00 What does that mean? 36:01 Sort of he puts out like something he's written that he's got strong feelings about. 36:07 And it's AI. It's an attack on AI. 36:10 Oh, Leo, you're getting left behind, love. 36:13 Oh, I mean... 36:14 Frank, can I ask one question before we go? 36:16 Before you go. 36:17 Before you go. Ah, my leg's stuck. 36:20 The Anglican Church did an advert to try and plug the Anglican Church to get young people in. And their first calls, the blogger did the Gap adverts. That was like, this is cotton-edge youth. 36:34 Can I ask one question, please? Do the popes have certain names that they have to choose from? When you choose your pope name, is it like your ex or Instagram sort of profile name? 36:46 They never mention their ex. 36:48 No. 36:49 No. 36:50 Did they? Except in conclave. Do you have a certain name? Because they always choose. These names feel quite Roman. They feel Roman, these names. 37:00 They usually, they've got some sort of historical reference to them. 37:04 But it's always sort of Leo, you know, Benedictus, etc. They don't go for modern names, the popes, do they? 37:13 No. Okay. Well, John Paul sounds fairly modern until you, you know. 37:18 Okay, it's been around a while then. 37:19 Until you remember that it was, you know. 37:21 But they don't go Casper, do they? No, or Craig. 37:24 No, Pope Craig. 37:26 Oh, Pope Craig. 37:28 No, that's never happened yet. Okay. But I don't think there's a, I don't know what would happen if they came up with, you know. 37:37 Billy. Billy. 37:40 Billy's too Protestant. 37:41 No, they wouldn't like that. 37:43 So, look, the next episode of Frank Skinner's Radio Days is out on Wednesday. We're chatting about how we can be a bit more like Emily. It's one of the things we talk about. Apologies, everyone. And cheerleaders suing their parents. That's a good topic. I love that. I wonder what that's about. Falling from the third tier of a human pyramid on the encouragement of a theatrical mother. LAUGHTER That's my guess. 38:10 That's my next book. 38:17 It's the Frank Skinner podcast. 38:21 A new winter change is blowing. It's the Frank Skinner podcast. 38:29 I'm not totally sure how it's going. 38:33 Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast